Photo Credit: Lucasarts
Now We See How Deep Hell Goes: Star Wars Kinect Dancing
by Franklin Malloy
(The video in question, which is best interpreted as a hallucination experienced by Han Solo while trapped in Carbonite aboard the Slave I)
There will be a time in the near future when a Father will purchase Star Wars: Kinect for his Son, in the hopes that they will be able to bond over Star Wars. He will remember the magic and wonder reflected off the Son’s eyes when he first saw the originals, several years back. But that was then, and this is now. The Son, now in his early tweens and trying to prove himself as more than little boy, will angrily dismiss the game. He will say that Star Wars: Kinect is stupid and, indeed, that Star Wars ITSELF is stupid.
The Father will try to dispute this, remembering that he once wanted to be cool like Han Solo. He will start to form words, but will remember the prequels and everything Star Wars-related from the last 15 years. He will realize that his Son is right. Star Wars IS dumb. Then will run his fingers through thinning hair and feel his paunch. He will think about music sucks now and how young girls dress too provocatively, and how he and his wife stopped going to the gym after the second child, because why bother. Even the things that people now become nostalgic about, the early to-mid 90s, are past his time. He will feel his age.
The Father will watch the Han Solo-thing on his television screen perform dance moves like the “Trash Compactor”, the “Chewie Hug” and “The Speeder”. Then, he will realize the devastating truth: He IS cool like Han Solo.
From this day forward, he will hate and resent Star Wars almost as much as he hates and resents his Son. A father-son relationship broken for a mere $10 ($60 minus the $50 Gamestop GC card that Grandma gave to the Father to give to the Boy for Christmas, but which the Father kept and is in a sense giving it to his son now).